psycho b!tches.

i have to vent for a second.

yes, psycho bitches.

yeah i said it.

they are usually the unfortunate product of a breakup.

everyone knows one.

and if you don't...

...

you probably are one.


ha  ha ha!  



she'll.

put.

you.

on.

the.

streets.

The Landlord from Will Ferrell

go the f*ck to sleep.

parents!

are your kids getting to sleep now that school started?


NO??!!1


check out this book narrated by samuel l. jackson...

ok, so it won't solve *your* sleeping problems...maybe try some ambien...?

get the full download for free from audible.com.

it's the best day. again.

kittens don't get sad about failing auditions.
so i guess if i had to choose, i'd have to be a kitten.


...


what else can poop in a box and has somebody to throw it out?

but i refuse to be dressed up by crazy e-harmony lady.
THAT would be the worse day...forever!!!1



"I'm A Stupid Cat" - Watch more Funny Videos

you guys wanna see some magic?

and i thought i was amazing making all those drinks disappear tonight.


...


check out his crazy eyes at the camera...

ambien walrus goes international.

so i went on a trip for work that is a wee-bit far away. work was nice enough to give me ambien to help me sleep since the time change has got me all messed up.

...


but i didn't know that i'd meet ambien walrus here.

ok so it really wasn't that bad...


...



i was just writing a letter to my mom and bestie and it came out like this...


sol let me start of satyig thant i am on ambien but i wanted to write to let yall know that i am ok but i'm on ambeien. ANYWAY. I AM IN MY HOTEL AND IT IS ROCKIG ADN I AM TIRED SO I'M GOING TO BE SOOON. A POBLEM THA TI HAV IS THAT I DONT' KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS SO I guess its a;llmost time for bed. so i get on the plane to paris and this womena wakes me up to see it fi was hugry. i almoswt flailed out on ehre like OWISURO why are you waing me up to eat at 12 at nigth, crazy fudkers.on ambien and i am super retarded-tried. the first flight to paris would have been beeder i na differrent seeet. comon ppl don't be scared im goint to bed soon. juwst know i'm safe and happy. :)


edit: images from toothpastefordinner.com
i mean, i *was* on ambien...

amber lamps.

i can't believe i almost forgot about this one.

so once upon a time there was a fight on a bus between a dude with cornrows and an ex-marine and someone put it on youtube.

then one day someone more brilliant came along and made a remix, and it was good.



of course it ended up on tosh.0

srs bznss.

i don't think there is anything more special than opening your eyes on a monday morning to see your cute little dog staring at your face.


...


until you realize that warm and fuzzy feeling you are having is just because he peed all over your bed.

at 6 am.

and your alarm doesn't go off until 7:20.


...


at least i didn't step in cat piss again.

i must be a leprechaun to not have lost my mind...

queen of dumb sh!t.

idk why so much dumb shit happens to me.

a normal person would be able to let some dumb shit roll. i, for whatever reason, am being attacked by an uber-conglomerate of dumb shit, and now i'm going mental.

...

i mean, who loses a key that was attached to your keyring, gets stuck in an elevator, and steps in cat piss all in the same day?


going to the moon, bbiab.

stop whining.

you know what i actually watched on tv the other night?


THE RUNNING MAN.


i was then reminded of some awesome people i used to work with...

...

no worries, they are still awesome without me...

i'm rick james, bitch.

if rick james was still around, would he get high on charlie sheen?

i mean, cocaine is a helluvadrug.

what about chuck norris? would charlie sheen be enough to get chuck norris high???

NWS
=O



CHARLAYYYMURPHAYYY

you churn the butter.

i found this gumby video by accident, but is totally effing win.

do as i say; you will be all WTF when its done.

LISTEN TO THE VOICEOVERS.

and...


...


NWS!

for the love of bacon.

a friend from my hometown inspired this post.

today i decided to post all things that are bacon/win,
so let's start with the original:

and mmm, face bacon.  it's like a bacon facial...ba-cial:

which then morphed into this:

now really, who wouldn't want to buy this shirt?

but wait!  there's more!

what came first, periodic bacon or breaking bad?  HMMM.

and that is just the start...

you can pretty much get bacon ANYTHING at ThinkGeek.com

such as this fabulous product:

EDIT: HOLY CRAP.  THIS IS BRILLIANT.

make you happeh tonite.

MOAR GAMER GOODNESS!

this is a conversation that i've had with my ex...
(i apologize for the quality)

bad project.

i have no shame.

yes, i love lady gaga.

but i won't lie. the new video kind of scares me. the song is money tho.

so instead i'm giving you a clever parody, originally shared by cicely joi

grad students: here is the story of your life.

panda cheese.

originally posted by my girl cicely joi.

don't piss off the panda!

charlie sheen is the new x.

okay, first off he is NOT on drugs.

totally.

he *said* so.

...

except for the part where he looks a tad bit undead, don't you think?

thanks to TERZI for letting me use his photo  :)

moar dots.

yes i'm still stuck on WoW.

i'm sick and bored. too bad.

however, i am working on something for SWTOR...--->CLICK ME<---

but srsly, my dear friend said he'd never seen this. unless you have headphones, NWS!

camel up a hill?

kudos to my boo for showing me this one.

make sure you aren't drinking anything because it might come out of your nose.

and grab some tissues.

manamana!

i've been missing world of warcraft a bit, but i'm not going to succumb!

but since i am a hot gamer chick, i thought i'd go ahead and poison the interwebz with these (again).

hope they get stuck in your head (again)! :D WIN!





and the remix!

emo.

oops, my bad.  here comes the funny...

and i thought my VD was lame.

i got nothing. just click it!

celebrate VD.

no, i'm not giving the gift that keeps on giving...

i only give super awesome gifts :P

cicely joi sent this to me a few years ago. it is only appropriate to repost for my boo since he has a thing for hot gamer chicks ;)

roses are red,
violets are blue.
all my base
are belong to you.

run and tell that.

i am not sorry i got this stuck in my head today. the autotune is badass. also check out the follow up with daniel tosh. classic!

it's never over.

i'm fried.  i got nothing.  but there's a version out there with laserbeams...pewpewpew!

is this the end?

i am a huge spartacus fan.

well i was until i realized i don't get starz anymore.

anyway, i was really excited when i heard about the new season premier a few weeks back. but somehow a few facebook clicks got me here:



so if you're like me, you are thinking wtf.

google "saved by creed song" if you care about how this was even inspired.

i'm voting the one with the sloth as my fav...

two unrelated things.

first, i need to point out that my dog is retarded.

he walks up to the water bowl and starts digging in it, sloshing water all over the place. whatever.

the other thing is that my boyfriend is convinced i am obsessed with daniel tosh.


...


anyway, i originally saw this on tosh.0...

close your eyes, show me your face.

if you don't know the story about r. kelly, then maybe you live under a rock.

but dave chappelle has embraced the situation, and of course, made it win.

Chappelles Show
R. Kelly's "Piss on You" Music Videos
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!  i have the remix here too.

Chappelles Show
R. Kelly Remix
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story

parp?

seriously, this is the best blog (yes more win than mine) you will find on the interwebz. allie brosh is a freakin' genius and has mad paint skills.

the first one i read, "dogs don't understand basic concepts like moving," was while i was in the waiting room at my doctor's office. not seeing her illustrations immediately on my iphone actually made it a better...

i would read a few lines of text and then scroll down and check out her drawings...

and OMG.

the other patients were scared.

this is my very favorite story, and she even sells shirts and stuff with her awesome art on it.

***cough-i would really love a parp sweatshirt-cough***

old skool.

totally showing my age here.

yes i had a nintendo and played super mario bros.


...


now i have a ps3 with bluray, bitches.

superbowl.

no, i don't care.  daniel tosh's prediction is good enough for me.

and hopefully that will keep people out of the clinic.
yes i'm working today.  /bleh

Tosh.0	Tuesdays 10pm / 9c
Super Bowl Prediction
tosh.comedycentral.com
Tosh.0 Videos Daniel Tosh Web Redemption

can i get half of a quarter cheese?

absolutely one of my favorites.  the cartoon totally makes this more win.

and if you've never been to a waffle house, well, you aren't missing much.  you can get cheesy hashbrowns at ihop too...

haiku.

i wrote this after a fun week of work:

kristina burned out.
kristina fucking burned out.
kristina burned out.

charlie. chaaaaaaarlieeeeeeee.

daniel tosh even referenced this one.

i had to agree, that if you don't know what that is, then go google it.

well i made it easy for you.

welcome.

oh joy, here it is!  the very first post.  and no i'm not going to bore you with crap about me.

...

well maybe a little.

right now i'm sitting in my apartment with my laptop about two feet away from the space heater.



and i'm wearing a scarf.  enjoy!